Evaaaa

New semester. New classes.

So, first and second period I have a class at the CCE (career center east), and it’s called Health Science Technology (because I want to be a nurse). And I have it with Evan.

Goodness. So, once again I like Evan. But it’s not just a crush, I think he is one of the most perfect people ever. Which sounds lame, and stupid, and I hate saying things like that, but it’s the truth.

It all started over with me texting him I believe. Soon after breaking up with Mackenzie, I went to Marissa T.’s house one Friday. Marissa, Jr, Whitney, Mike, Jacob, Hannah, Cannon, and Joe were there (and Evan of course). We talked a lot and watched the other guys play Halo.

Then I had to leave because I had to go to Matt Couch’s surprise party. And Sarah’s birthday party. So, he walked me to my oh-so-lovely van, and we said goodbye.

Then, we found out we had Health Sci Tech together first period. That’s a 2 1/2 hour class. It has to be the best class ever. And we kept spending Fridays &some Saturdays together.

One particular Friday, (January 21st) I went over to Jr’s house and  “intruded” on a boy’s night (so did Marissa, but she had to leave because there weren’t any parents home) and me and Evan somewhat held hands and it was nice. I kinda was being mean though (according to Cannon), but eventually it was great in the end.

Another Friday (January 28th) I went over to Jr’s and it was perfect. I got to sit in the lazyboy chair sorta thing and Evan eventually sat in it with me. So, we were kinda really squished but it wasn’t so bad. Then, he drove me home and it was kinda all awk when we were standing at my door.. But I just hugged him then went inside. I mean, I wanted him to kiss me, but I was uberly nervous, so I couldn’t. Oh and that night his fb status was: Vanilla…. 🙂 . It took me FOREVER to get what the heckle he was talkin’ about, but I FINALLY remembered I smell like vanilla. haha yeahh …

February 3rd (I think..) I went over to Jr’s house (once again…) and Evan and him attacked me with silly string. HOW was I supposed to know that “Defend yourself” with a silly string can meant to DEFEND myself from them? Anyways, I was just COVERED with silly string (they had two cans EACH) and barely got them… It was hilarious and EVERYWHERE.

It’s going great. I am loving life. 🙂

Life. Life. Life.

Well, I should really do this more. Because then things happen and I don’t want to forget the those things.

First, I broke up with Mackenzie. He wasn’t the one. And I don’t even know what I was thinking.

Second, I am trying to fix things, with everyone, God in particular.

Third, almost everything is perfect. And I’m torn up inside. But I’m trying to get better, and not be torn between feeling happy and sad, and just embrace the happy.

WOW, time flies when you’re doing stuff you’re not supposed to do…

WOW. So I haven’t blogged in forever.

A lot has happened.

A LOT.

First, school’s been okay. I’ve been slack in my classes and not really doing my homework… Oops. Yeah, New Year’s Resolution #1 – Do ALL of my homework. EVERYDAY.

Second, I found out this guy Ryan H. had a crush on me. So he and I hung out a bit, and I began to like him. He’s a bit nerdy, so I still didn’t really admit I liked him. Turns out Sarah liked him. A LOT. And she was the one to push me to like him. And WHILE pushing me to like him she was secretly hanging with him, and flirting like crazy. He asked me to homecoming, made me a mum (it’s a Texas thing…) and we went together. Right after Sarah stole him away. But, apparently, he still liked me or whatever, and told Sarah this. Even after he told her he liked her and they were all flirt buddies. SO, I had to fix things and tell him he should like Sarah not me, and he’s all but I thought you liked me… And I did. But I told him I didn’t (Sarah was crying, and honestly, I rather have her be happy than me). They got together and now are happy-go-lucky.

Third, I had a crush on Evan again. But he didn’t seem to feel the same (even though Ashley B. said he did) so I gave up.

Fourth, I got a boyfriend, Mackenzie L. He’s a super sweet Canadian.We have done some not-so-strivingforgood things though… But he makes me feel alive. Like life isn’t so damn hard after all.

But then there’s Evan.

Fifth, yesterday Kenz came with me to the New Year’s Eve Dance for my church. I didn’t really want him to come because I wanted to see Evan alone. But, he wanted to come, so he did. (And we got in trouble, too. For kissing at midnight. OUR Bad. But I got my new year’s kiss so forget them.)

Evan was a big baby though. He acted all depressed the whole night. Then almost the last dance I asked him to dance.

This is basically how it went-

“Sorry I’m not my usual cheery self, tonight hasn’t been the best night ever.”

“How so?”

“Well, I made a goal not to dance with anyone tonight, but then I saw this girl and she looked really lonely, so I decided I’d ask her to dance. So, I went up to her being all nice and cheerful and asked her to dance. She just looks at me all funny and says ‘NO.’ Guess I wasn’t good enough for her.”

“Evan, you’re good enough for anyone.”

“Oh not anyone.”

“Yes anyone.”

“No.”

“Don’t argue with me, I’m always right remember?” (which is a joke between us.)

“No Amanda, sometimes you aren’t always right. Sometimes you’re really wrong.” (AND he looks right at Kenz. WHAT?!)

“Evan…”

“No, Amanda, don’t even try to look at me.”

“But… okay.”

Then he avoids eye contact for the rest of the dance til the song ends.

Jerk.

I didn’t do anything wrong, I brought my boyfriend to the dance. Big whoop. He’s brought his girlfriend to the dance (it was a long time ago.. but still) and did I throw a hissy fit? NO. I did not. I almost started crying though. I felt really bad. Why?! I don’t know. But I was really detached to Kenz the rest of the night, and still am. But I need time. I need to think. Clear my head. Fix things.

Oh well, I looked super cute in my black sparkly dress, black tights, and new black heels with my red lipstick, and red nails. I looked fiiiiine. 🙂

New Year’s Resolution #2: Fix things. With Evan, Gabe, Kenz, and Mattie.

New Year’s Resolution #3: After fixing things, get over my depression from the drama with those people and lose 20lbs. (NO, I wouldn’t be anorexic if I did that. I’d still be 115.) And I just want to do it before the summer. No biggie.

New Year’s Resolution #4-10: Apply to colleges. Save money. Go to EFY. Buy car. Save money for college. Get scholarships. Fix house. Clean &keep house clean. Figure out things with boys. Find soulmate.

This year should be easy-peasy lemon squeezy.

Ha. 🙂

Happy New Year’s!

Oh and I happen to be watching Titanic right now so hence the picture… It makes me think of true love. Except for the super depressing-ness of it all.

 

Heart & Soul

I have just about the best friend ever.

She’s pretty, funny, and is the sister I never had. (Even though I have 3 sisters…) She’s practically my twin and I love her so much.

But, recently a boy ruined her heart. Now, she’s sad, and always feeling sorry for herself. She always is talking to me about this stuff and it’s just so sad cause pity is never good. She needs compassion.

So question: Is there somewhere out there for everyone? Because she’s not the only one feeling like there’s no one out there. I mean, I do, too. In 30 years, I see myself being a full-time nurse, who works ALL the time with a gazillion pets. I won’t be married, have kids, or even own a real house. I’ll be alone. Why? Not sure. That’s just what it feels like it’s gonna be. Where are all the soul mates? I’m tired of waiting for mine… But who knows? Maybe I’ll be happy being alone.

Maybe.Photobucket

Dear Blog, …

Dear Blog,

Today I decided I like life.

Well durh Mandy, you always have.

But today is different. Today, I feel like running a mile. Traveling to Belize, and backpacking around Europe.

Today, I feel like fulfilling all my dreams that I’ve been to lazy to actually want to put into action. Today, I don’t feel like filling any ’emotional emptiness’ with food. Today, I don’t feel like spending every penny I have on clothes. Today, I feel the nurse in me waiting to shine- to start her work. Today, is a good day.

Today, is the perfect day.

Photobucket And it’s just begun.

Eat. Love. Pray.

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Saw Eat. Pray. Love. today. It was great. I would love to travel the world like she did…. But I’ve decided to overlook where how my life is right now…

Eat. – I love food. I’ve stopped trying to not eat, and sadly, I’ve been OVER-eating.

Love. – Boys have sucked. There’s this nerdy-ish guy Ryan who’s nice and funny, just EXTREMELY quiet. He supposedly likes me but he’s my friend’s ex’s best friend. Yeah… AND My friend was just hurt by a guy she loved. I want him to go to jail, but her mom and her don’t so everyone has to stay silent. I shouldn’t really hate people, but goodness. I hate him. So the “Love” department is closed for repairs… But I have many years to find love. I mean I don’t want to get married before I’m 25, so I have at least 9 years…

Pray. – I suck in religion right now. I haven’t made the best decisions, but they aren’t been too terrible. But still I should pray more. Maybe less bad things would happen…

So, life has been the greatest right now, but maybe it’ll get better?

Just gotta strive for good.

Kinda forgot to do that recently… Just got to keep reminding myself.

Have a great day(: If anyone’s reading…

Church, church, and more church…

Religions

WOW. There are A LOT of churches out there…

Too many to be exact.

It’s kind of crazy. How do people choose one? There are Muslims, Amish, Mormons, just plain Christians, Buddhists, Jewish, Protestant, and a heck of a lot more… (sorry if most of those are divisions within Christianity. They are just off the top of my head.)

I am already part of a church, but I’m not so sure about it. Then again, I’m young. But, I am very curious about other faiths, and other people of those faiths. And after researching about a lot of them I found a lot of shocking things, that I guess shouldn’t be SO shocking?

I found so many articles of rape, murder, and many other extremely saddening things that are happening within these religions. But, people are people, and even if they look good, they apparently can be bad. Very bad.

Is it true there’s only one true religion? Couldn’t there be more than one?

Or couldn’t we just be good, repenting, and prayerful and be good enough?